Welcome to the Jungle, Fu Bar, Auckland,
July 2003
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> welcome to the jungle, fu bar
So having nailed myself in Avoriaz
all season, rather than opting to give my body
yet more abuse all summer in Deux Alps like
the rest of the British riders, I thought I'd
come and chill in New Zealand with my girlfriend,
after all I hadn't seen her for eight months
now....
Okay so we live in the heart of Auckland's red
light district with ladyboys trying desperately
to sound like real women (although the fact
that most of them are built like Jona Lomu is
a slight giveaway), pimping themselves out right
outside our front door, but having scored a
job in one of Auckland's most "trendy"
bars in my first week in the country, you might
think I had it made!
Unfortunately, as with so many cities in this
era of pop-rock, hair wax, and pleated mini
skirts (ok maybe not such a bad era!), "trendy"
basically translates into "gay". Not
gay in the true sense of the word. Don't get
me wrong these people are as heterosexual as
they come, just gay in the way that the guys
have spent so long making themselves look good,
most of them look prettier than the girls. You
get the idea.
Not surprising then that come 2am on one of
the busiest Saturday nights of the winter, I
told the boss to go fuck himself and walked
out to stroll up Queen Street and check out
Auckland's notorious Fu Bar, and to see what
all the fuss is about!
The first thing I noticed was that on arrival
I received no macho hassle from oversized doorstaff,
something which, living in Auckland, one grows
used to. The club was decked out appropriately...with
camo nets hanging around the dancefloor and
lighting so dark you could hardly see your mate
stood right next to you. Considering this was
Auckland dopest club, you'd think the dancefloor
might be bigger than your lounge at home, but
you'd be wrong. You could feel the heat, and
fuck you could smell the sweat...
I made a b-line for the bar and having put six
stellas on the ftpos card, followed by a hefty
dosage of our trusty french friend Chartreuse,
I was now well in the mood to enjoy the beats.
To be honest the sets were a bit tame, and the
clubbers, considering most of them were full
of more chemicals than a cyanide plant, were
a bit tame too. Luckily, fueled only by alcohol
the StepOn raw styles of myself Butters and
honory step-on danish renegade for the evening,
Pia Christensen, were on the dancefloor and
perfectly willing to show the kiwis how to move,
Euro style!
So what can I say about my first "Fu experience?"
Sweet club for sure, but if that's all Auckland
has to offer I don't quite see where their arrogant
self-pride of their drum n bass culture comes
from. I think most of them need to get over
to London or Lyon and check the scenes there
before they get fresh with us, cos most of them
are still listening to stuff we were enjoying
four years ago. Get with the times, and instead
of dropping so many drugs, drop the attitudes.
I mean, fuck, if you're tripping your tits off
even the shitest dj on earth will sound good.
No wonder their judgment is questionable!
The general opinion of "welcome to the
jungle" was that none of the dj's played
a hard enough set to satisfy the clubbers. We
were expecting hard ass balls out jungle, and
to be honest the atmosphere was a bit more chilled
out than the title of the night led us to believe.
But a good time was definitely still had by
all.
    
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